Tips for dating a recovering addict
It was harder for him to admit the sexual harms he'd done and the people he'd used when he was still drinking.
But he said he needed to face those things if he ever hoped to have a healthy relationship--sexual and otherwise--in the future.
When I mentioned to my friend Mark that I was writing this chapter, he said, "Yikes! " He then proceeded to tell me about his own struggles and achievements as he worked on each of these "relationship" Steps.
Sometimes these Steps take a long time to work through the first time, and because recovery and relationships are ongoing realities, these are Steps that are revisited time and time again.
Others might become ready to face past traumas such as sexual, physical, or emotional abuse, and they might realize they need professional help to deal with painful and upsetting memories.
If you sense (or know) this is the case with your PIR, it's good to give them some space and lots of tender support and encouragement, remembering that you can't be their therapist, but you can be their friend. Nagy is a college professor, actor, and songwriter.
They work on taking responsibility for the harm they have caused others, and acknowledge the harm that others have caused them.
Ultimately, these Steps are about asking for forgiveness and forgiving others.
In Twelve Step programs, and especially in Steps Four through Ten, PIRs learn how to develop healthy relationship skills.
And I certainly didn't know that, as someone in a relationship with a PIR, it would have been good for me to do these Steps as well.